I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
