Screwed.edu
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
