There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
