FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
