census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
