so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
a search helicopter?!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
