What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
