I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
