i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
