Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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