I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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