We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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