Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
