do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
