If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize