I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
