It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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