drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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