why didn't you poke me back
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
