i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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