During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
