Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
