Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
