I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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