Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My liver just had a heart attack.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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