cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Actions speak louder than pants.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
