I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
