were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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