I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
