i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize