It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
