My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
