Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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