Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
