did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
