Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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