I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
