the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
