how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
