Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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