Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
