wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
