I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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