Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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