ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
