just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
