I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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