I just saw a hot homeless man
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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