just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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