So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
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you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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