Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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