She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
