He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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