We won't sleep together?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize