i just had sex bonerless
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
