it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
