She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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