He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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