i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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