He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
