Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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