Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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