i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
