sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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