Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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