I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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