I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
