Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
