I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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