my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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