i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
