Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
